Shepards?

Ok...I have totally hit a wall this week in preparing for Sunday. I have been reading and searching through Luke 2 trying to find an angle on the story of the Birth of Jesus that captures the imagination and is creative and blah blah. Feeling a bit frustrated as I know there is a lot there to land on and at the same time not feeling like God has really put anything epic on my heart to share yet.

Yesterday I heard that the Shepards were probably not 20 something guys with nothing better to do than to hang out with sheep but rather they were probably more like 12-14 year olds and their Dad made them do this like a chore or something. Then last night at 9:45 when I was still driving some of the kids home from Jesus Party I started to have an epiphany. A little annoyed with the conversations happening in the car I started to listen a little closer to the 6 12-14 year old boys in my car ramble on and on about the most random things. He did this, she said that, he never saw it coming, ect. Then I made the connection that angels showed up to these clowns. I imagined these kids in a field watching sheep and shooting the bull with each other. Oh, crap! I think I just got my inspiration for what was happening.

Rambling Self Conversations That Are Going Somewhere

Our brains never stop working for very long before the endless streams of thoughts begin to flow in: how do i look, how am i perceived by others, what do i believe, what matters, why should i care, is he or she looking at me, did they notice how hard i tried, do people think i am too intense, is she mad at me, blah, blah, blah, ect.

Our thoughts, the stream of self conversations seem endless.

But what is most essential? I mean I have no clue where i am going with this other than to say that i realize that most of my life is filled with this self talk that begins to shape the way i live my life, how i lead others and what I am saying with the story of my life.

I believe we will live our life out of the overflow of these endless self conversations. It is out of these self conversations from which we will give others advice and direction, and make decisions for our life. So it makes sense that these conversations which are taking place are being shaped in a direction in which we actually want to go.

My Genius Son

Toby blew me away tonight. Sarah was out so I was running solo. They boys were hyper but doing good. I turned my back on them and they ran out of the room happily laughing, but I was getting tired. So I came out and yelled, "Toby-Noah, get back in your room right now or your gonna get a spankin!" The boys continued to run wild around the table and in a moment of weakness as they both were smiling at me I relented from the spanking and grabbed them both by their legs and carried them upside down to their room. They giggled with delight. When we got back to the room I put Noah in his bed then Toby in his. When in his bed Toby looked at me in the eyes with great respect and began to reason with me. He said, "Dad, you didn't need to raise your voice at us. We were just playing and weren't trying to make you mad, ok?" I was kneeling next to his bed completely dumbfounded at how clearly he was communicating to me with not just his words but the seriousness and respect he showed non-verbally as well. Eye Contact, inflection in his words, and it was like he was speaking from his heart to me. What the heck. My kids blow me away.

A New Season

I am entering into a new season in my life. There is a lot of change. A lot of things coming my way which are out of my control and some that are. What I do know is that the coming season is wild and new, uncharted waters for me and others with whom I will join. Our story is fresh, full of fear of the unknown, and in some ways familiar. Familiar in the sense that the unknown is always where trail blazers live life. I have joined a group of people who live to break the trail, to live life in the unknown, to test their courage, instincts, and put their passions to the test.

So bring on the unknown because the only way to learn is to confront your fears, to walk towards the unknown and know that the greatness of the conflict only makes the story better.

Sharing a Scene in My Life

I have been recently reading Don Millers book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and it has been deeply impacting me. He talks about how the elements that make a story good are the same elements that make a good story of our lives.

I have been enjoying the book so much I started teaching through it to all of my classes at Pioneer. I figured I had nothing to lose with 6 weeks left of my teaching career at this point in my life. I have been trying to inspire the kids with the book and it has been awesome.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend about a stirring thing I was organizing and Sarah came in and offered her opinion about the issue. I shot her down saying that the idea wouldn't work and implied that it was stupid. Sarah didn't say anything and left the room. I didn't even realize I had dealt with her so harshly and continued in my conversation with my friend sitting at the dinner table. I wasn't even really aware that she was offended.

Later that night after the boys were in bed Sarah came in and sat down on the opposite side of the couch from me and it was obvious something was wrong, she was upset, and I started to get offended. "What are you all worked up about?" I said in a frustrated voice. She stated that I had hurt her feelings and made her feel stupid. Then it happened.

Just like in a movie or in a story I had a flashback. I realized I was in a scene in the story of my life, and that I had a choice to make. In my flashback I saw my life in rewind. Everyday I get up at 6 and then meet someone at 630, then we talk about meaningful crap until 8, then I try to inspire kids at school until 205, then I come home kiss Sarah on the cheek and proceed to wrestle with the boys, change diapers, read them a book, then put them to bed. After that Sarah I fast forward through American Idol to see who got kicked off and then we go to bed with very few words of meaning being exchanged. Then we repeat the process every day for a couple of weeks in a row. Now we are sitting on the couch and I have a decision to make.

I could be that middle class guy in that movie who instead of treating his wife with respect and and asking for forgiveness gets offended and tells her she is being too sensitive and that her ideas were a bad, and that she didn't even know what was going on....Or....I could write that scene into my story where I realize I had been a jerk and the woman who I love the most in the world was wounded because of my carelessness. You know that scene where the guy realizes he was tired and careless with someone who he cares about. That scene where he realizes for the last two weeks the most meaningful conversation that has taken place has been about American Idol, and that he is being an idiot, and that he should ask for forgiveness and kiss the girl and make things right? You remember that scene? The one where the girls acts like she is still upset and hurt but just really wants him to take her into his arms and take care of her.

I lived that scene because I realized that when I write good scenes into my life my story gets better. And I want to live a good story where the guy gets the girl and she loves him because he respects her and is not to stubborn to admit that he made a mistake and that she is so important in his life.

Jesus in the Washer

Another Toby story for all of you who heard the last one... I.E. me. Blogs Ive decided are good for remembering things.

Toby was trying to climb into the dryer the other day and was caught by Sarah. She shouted, "Toby STOP! You don't climb in the dryer! You could get hurt and die and then we wouldn't get to see you for a long time. You would be in heaven with Jesus!" At this point the waterworks begin as Toby runs to Sarah for a hug.

The next morning as we are getting ready for church I round up Toby and Noah and we are eating breakfast at the table. Toby is chatting non-stop while Noah and I eat in silence content to focus on our food and listen to Toby tell stories. While we are eating Toby begins in on a story about Jesus and Noah talking so I asked him the question, "Toby, have you been talking to Jesus?" Toby's face gets very serious as he says emphatically, "No Daddy, me not be talking to Jesus. Me be see-in Jesus." Without smiling or laughing I replied, "You see Jesus? Where?" I looked all around the room. Toby replied, "Me go climb in the washer and me be see-in Jesus."

Miley's Baby

Toby finally asked the big question...

"Momma, you habin a baby?"

"No, not right now Toby. Maybe Later," Sarah said.

"Daddy habin baby?"

"No Toby, Daddys dont have babies, only Mommies do."

"Ok," Toby replied. "Where babies be comin from."

"Well," sarah replied. "Daddy puts a special seed in Mommys tummy and then a baby grows and mommy has the baby." "Ok," Toby says.

As a family we really try to limit the amount of TV the boys watch and especially the content. That being said Sarah had rented the Hannah Montana movie and Toby was allowed to watch the movie. During the climax of the movie Sarah asked Toby to put something away and paused the film. When Toby returned to see the movie paused, he stood and stared at the TV screen with the picture of Hannah Montana and turned to Sarah and said, "Mommy. Me want to be a seed in her tummy."

Sarah holding back her laughter said, "Toby, do you want to be Hannah Montana's baby?" "Yah," he replied. "Me wanna be a baby in her tummy."

Crazy Week

This has been such a crazy week for everyone I have talked to. Friends hurting with personal and medical drama, students hurting from personal drama, what a week. By the end of today I had contacted CPS and attended a last minute funeral for a student who's child died at birth. But in all this chaos God is still Good.

God is still Good.

Let the Journey Begin

God dreams bigger and greater than we can comprehend. So let this journey begin. I have been dreaming about some things that God has been putting into motion outside any of my own efforts or abilities. So begins the journey and I am not in the lead position. God is leading the way, opening the doors, preparing the hearts, and conquering the city...we just get to go with him on the trip and watch what he is doing and do what he wants done.