Update

Howdy to all my friends...It has been forever since I have blogged anything so I though I might just give an update. God has been so good. The last two years have been pretty crazy...school, school, school. I pretty much eat drink and sleep school. Either teaching or learning it has been all about school. I feel like my brain has basically been pickled and put in a jar that says school on it.

Our life group this round has been amazing and God has been totally challenging me in so many ways. Since school has a grip on my time let me give you an update. Simply put...there is nothing I can do. This is the greatest conclusion I have come to this year because now that I know for a fact that I am powerless to truly and deeply change others I have been able to allow God to do what he does so well.

Dont get me wrong I am not saying I dont play a role...what I am saying is that I am understanding in a greater way what my role truly is. God has placed within me a desire to serve others and has put me in a place where I can join him in a way that is so fulfilling that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is giving me my hearts desire, and that he is using me to show others his love.

My good friend is always saying that we must come to empty or brokeness in order for God to completely fill us. What a process! Oh yeah, God refining you isnt always fun. I seemed to have forgot that. What is amazing is that while this process of refining is so challenging and well...not fun..I can totally see God working in me, bringing me to empty so that I can see what he is doing and that it is not about me.

Continually this month there have been such crazy happenings at school and in my life that have been overwhelming and which have no clear answer that I can define. At first I felt frustrated, stumped, I wanted to solve the problem, give the perfect advice, help this person or that person change, be the hero, save the day. In the end I have found out that there is nothing in my human wisdom or any other persons human wisdom that could solve some of the issues which have been placed in front of me. There is only one answer in order for there to be change...GOD YOU MUST MOVE, YOU MUST ACT, YOU MUST INCREASE AND I MUST DECREASE.

I have heard so many times people state the standard Christian jargon. People reciting advice they have heard pastors speak, or something they have read in a book. It seems to me that these magic words are meaningless until God opens your eyes to the depth of their meaning. He can use all kinds of circumstances, people, conversations, adversity, ect... the important thing seems to be how we react to these circumstances.. are we looking to see what God is opening our eyes to or are we hardening our hearts to the Holy Spirit's nudging. Are we trying to meet the expectations of men or are we with a humble spirit realizing that we are powerless until God moves on our hearts and opens our minds to his truth.

I want to seek truth. I seek change that is permanent not temporary. I want God's heart for the lost, and the wisdom to know how I can join him in what he is doing in my life and the people who he has placed around me. I want to seek God for God not God for man's approval. I want to move into maturity which anchors me through lifes storms. I want sincerity in my relationships. I want forgiveness in my heart. I want God.